no matter how it feels

Today it feels 'scary'. I'm in the thick of perceived threat, so I am afraid. I've cancelled yet another opportunity to speak out, my truth. Not ultimate truth, just mine. So I must be a bit of a hyprocite by promoting the idea that the truth should be told no matter how it feels.

Like a child who is asked, "Did you break that vase?" and answers truthfully only to be spanked with a paddle, or a belt, I feel wary and tired, afraid to say what plainly appears as a naked emperor to me. It dosen't feel safe here anymore, and everyone is separated, divided into camps that bitterly oppose each other. Welcome to America. I want to run away like a child but it's just not a practical solution as an adult. So I stay frozen in fear. But I'll survive.

I try to stay "mid-stream" right now, but find myself clinging to a rock in the rapids that are beating me from all directions, or so it seems. If I would just let go, I'd float along again as I should, but the unknown downstream is bringing on that big chill that I know is reptillian conditioning and intended to protect my life...fight, flight, freeze.

Well, the Metta Sutra would be a good post now, and read again, and help to rediscover a noble way to live. 'Frozen in fear' isn't noble, nor is it really living. And that's the truth!

"This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace;
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at east.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none.,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far awary,
Those born and yet-to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!

Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protests with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unabounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One shoul sustainn this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding on to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world."

This is the nobelest way of living.

Yes, I broke that vase. Sorry about that!